Something happened at school that ended up being on my mind more than I had intended or foreseen. One of my students was giving a presentation on Iranian American artist, Shirin Neshat. I was prepared to do most of the talking on this particular artist because at face value, anyone from the west would take her work as strictly critical of Islam, Iran, and Women's rights. Which it does, but it is also very critical of the US and other western countries for their close minded view of these issues and their complexities. I asked a question, which I can't even remember, and some students responded that in Islam, women have to walk 10 steps behind men. I was expecting comments like this, but I don't feel I thoroughly thought about how I would respond. I ended up responding with something like, "Those ideas do exists within certain cultures, but the religion of Islam, itself, does not promote that." Looking back I felt that I should have made it more clear that this was a stereotype, and while stereotypes exist for a reason it is wrong to blanket a whole group of people as engaging in that stereotypical behavior. I found myself in class not really explaining things about Shirin Neshat's work or themes, as well as I had envisioned. It left me feeling really bogged down and anxious for the rest of the day, but I didn't really start thinking about why until my ride home.
I started thinking about the last time I had taught her work and it was when I worked at Metro High School in St. Louis. The students there mostly knew I was muslim. I remember feeling much more comfortable teaching about her work because I felt that the students knew about this part of me, and would gather that Neshat's work wasn't the only example of Islam. So, I think that's a huge key. Within the past few days, I really didn't think that I might need to explain things a little differently because I just thought, "Oh I've talked about Shirin Neshat with students before." But it really felt different since they didn't know how I could be connected to her work. Shirin Neshat left her country at a time when women's rights were progressing in Iran, however, she came back to her country in 1990, to find it much different than when she left. Women were forced to cover and other rights were restricted. This left her on the outside of Iran, but I'm sure she also didn't feel like she 100% belonged to the U.S. Looking back, this is exactly how I feel being Muslim.
Before wearing hijab, I didn't feel like I belonged in the muslim community. I started wearing it, because it was fulfilling to be identified as a Muslim. However, it separated me in a lot of ways from the kind of interactions I was used to in my day life with people. Overtime, I realized I wasn't wearing it for the right reasons, and decided to stop. There are plenty of times I miss wearing it, because it's a symbol of being muslim, which is what I am. I won't go back to wearing hijab, but I can't express enough how happy I am that I did. It has given me perspective, respect, and experience on the issue. I would never fully have that unless I would have taken it on. I know some people were probably looking at me go through wearing hijab thinking, "She's really limiting herself." However, I see that I was experiencing things that most people don't. Wearing hijab helped me experience what it's like to consistently be seen for the person you are rather than the focus being on your body. I was treated with respect and never cat-called. I know this isn't the case for everyone, but I never had anyone respond negatively to me wearing it. If anything, I received compliments and people asking me about it and Islam. It was a great tool for opening people's eyes to other aspects of Islam outside of the media. Now, I can take this experience and be a person who is able to know about both sides and explain it to people who don't.
I think I got really anxious today because I miss being open about my religion. It's not something I have had to fully hide, but it's not something I openly discuss in the way I did when I lived in St. Louis. I have had doubts on whether or not I should teach Shirin Neshat in the future, and I think I should. They really really need this experience, even if I can't 100% explain everything. Her work is really difficult because it deals with so many complex issues, but it's too good to leave out. I just need to get a better plan for next year and be more prepared.
