Blair: 0-2 Months

We are at 8 weeks with Blair. There are so many things I've learned about myself that I never would have guessed. First (and I feel weird saying this), but I have liked it so much more than I imagined. Of course I knew I would like being a mom, but assumed that this time would be filled with so many challenges that it would be hard to see the good. There have definitely been challenges, but they are short lived compared to all of the good stuff. Challenges being getting peed on, getting puked on so much that I had to change my shirt 3 times within 1 hour, trying to eat without scarfing food down, breastfeeding (probably the biggest), and lack of sleep. The good stuff being all the cuddles and Blair sleeping on my chest, his first genuine smile, cooing, and singing to him.

Another thing I've learned about myself is that going back to work is harder than I imagined. I thought I would be ready to go back because I love work and teaching! I know in the grand scheme, it is what I want to do, but I just wish I could either take him with me, or stay at home too. Neither are possible, but I just feel very torn. We did a few practice days with our provider, Fran. So far, things are going well but it is still so hard.

We have also had many visitors over the past couple of months: My Mom, Darren, Charly Jo, McKenna, Mica, Mike, John and Mary, Will and Sarah, Paul and Rhonda, Craig's Parents, Craig's sister, Rachel, Katie Rock, Katie Espy, and Jamie.

Blair had his first experience in the pool a few weeks ago. He didn't like it, though, because the water was too cold. We will be trying the Otteroo on Craig's birthday in my Mom's bath tub because it's deeper. I hope he can get used to a cooler temperature soon. I would love to go to the pool with him.

One of the things people say the most is how big he is. A week ago at his appointment, he weighed in at 14 lbs. They said his weight gain would probably slow down a bit now.  There was a weekend in the 1st month that he gained a whole pound within 3-4 days!

 

 

 

Tummy Time with Dad.

Rachel's Visit

Blair's Birth

About 2 hours after the previous post, I was in bed and felt the baby move in a way I had not felt before. It was like it was kicking and turning around and around. Very active. It made me concerned, so I called my midwife, Amy. She said that in the late stages of pregnancy this could happen, but she wasn't concerned. We hung up the phone and I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep without a heart rate check, so I called the on call number and Shelly agreed to meet us at the birth center. It was midnight, and I felt bad having her come in for another late night check but knew I wouldn't be able to sleep without it. His heart rate was fine, and the amniotic swab test came back inconclusive. It was pretty much yellow, but there were some slight changes in the fibers. So, once again she wanted us to treat it like there was indeed a leak just to be safe. We returned home to continue the waiting game.


At about 1:45 am, my water broke again. It pretty much happened the same way as the first time, I got up out of bed to use the bathroom and the rush of water came. I wasn't sure what to think or do. I figured I should call the midwives again just to let them know. I wasn't hopeful that this time would be any different. They said to just let them know if any contractions started. Craig and I lied in bed and tried to rest. Within 10 minutes of getting off the phone with Shelly, I had a tightening pain in my abdomen. I immediately knew this was something and told Craig to get his iPad which had the contraction timer on it. The first one was inaccurate because it was half over by the time he started timing, but it was around a minute. We continued to time them and after I got about 7 under our belt I called Shelly back to let her know. They were still a bit inconsistent, but it was enough to know that we had begun labor. I told her I wanted to go ahead to the birthing center to hang out and if things weren't consistently progressing she could leave us their alone to labor because she only lived 5 minutes away.  However within 30 minutes of being there, my contractions started to be about 1-2 minutes long and 3-4 minutes apart. So, I called my doula, Shelly B., and she called my midwife, Amy.

By the time Shelly B. arrived, I was using the yoga ball through my contractions and leaning and swaying over an end table. I asked them to get the pool ready so I could labor in there for a bit. Craig helped me through some of my contractions by letting me lean and sway on him. It was kind of like we were slow dancing in Junior High. It was funny because we've never danced together before even at a wedding. So, I guess we can now say that our first dance was when Blair was being born.

I got into the pool and labored in there for a little while. It was relaxing, for sure, but I don't think I was far enough along into labor that it made a huge difference. It was mostly just nice to switch it up a bit. I remember Craig and Shelly having conversations about teaching a birthing class and letting babies and children watch TV. This was the beginning of me becoming super focused with eyes closed 95% of the time, and having difficulty responding to anyone. From this point on, I remember people asking me questions about what I wanted: water? a cool rag? massage? and most of the time I remember saying, "I don't know." I'm sure that was frustrating from their end, but I was doing good to even get that out. I also stopped paying attention to the time. There was a clock above the bed that I refused to let myself look at, but luckily my eyes were just closed most of the time.

I ended up getting out of the pool and shortly after Amy arrived. She asked me if I wanted to be checked for dilation. I told her I was nervous about it because I didn't want to be disappointed if I hadn't progressed, especially with the roller coaster we'd been on the past week. She proposed that she check, but just not tell me the status. I agreed to that and after she checked, she assured me that I had nothing to be disappointed about. This meant I was dilated to 10, and Amy said that whenever I felt the urge to bare down, that I should push with it. I did look at the clock at this moment and it was 7am. I told Craig to text our parents and let them know that I had begun to push. At this point, I figured I would be holding our baby within the next few hours.

I can't remember what position I started out pushing, but looking back I know I was not ready to push when I started. Amy was coaching me through some of my contractions and and suggested I try pushing while on hands and knees on the bed and leaning over the yoga ball. This wasn't very comfortable at all. I also remember a lot of people being in the room at this time. At least 5 people, and some of them were talking and laughing. This really annoyed me especially when I was going through a contraction and moaning/pushing in pain. I eventually had to say twice, "PLEASE STOP TALKING." It helped for the most part, but sometimes they'd still talk. This is definitely something I'll make clear the next time I have a baby. No talking, unless absolutely necessary, while I'm working through a contraction. It just didn't seem right that I was over there in pain while people were chatting it up and laughing.

 After a few hours Amy mentioned that there wasn't much progress being made. So, she suggested that I try lying on my back which was the last thing I wanted to do. However, I was already told that they might suggest something I wasn't in favor of, and I would just need to suck it up and try. I had been pushing while lying on my back for awhile. Shelly B. and Craig would push my legs back for me and Amy would coach me through the contraction. I'm assuming we did this for at least an hour or two and there still wasn't much progress. At this point, I could tell Amy was starting to be concerned because she mentioned going to the hospital for a vacuum assist if things didn't move along. She said they were progressing, but not fast enough and she was worried about me becoming too tired. This shook me a bit, and I realized how tired I was. Craig seemed resistant to the hospital idea, which in the moment I remember wanting to kill him for, but looking back I'm glad. He spoke for that part of me that was being distracted. He asked if there was anything else we could do or try before resorting to a transfer. Amy got a suggestion from Mary, the owner of the birth center, to let me take a break in the birthing pool, make me eat and drink something, and hook me up to an IV to get me re-hydrated. They were hoping this would give me a boost of energy. I remember not being very hopeful, but still having that "I don't know/indifferent/apathetic" attitude. I got into the birthing  pool and this is where I realized I had started pushing too early because I was actually feeling the urges to push without even trying. There were times I could feel my body pushing on it's own and then other times where it made me actively push with it. I went through this for awhile while Amy hooked me up to an IV. I'm usually pretty squeamish with needles, but remember it not even phasing me. I remember them doing heart rate checks on the baby and this is where they started to get really uncomfortable because they had to press it against my abdomen. Luckily, Blair's heart rate stayed strong and consistent throughout the entire thing. Craig forced juice and cottage cheese on me and once the IV was done I was out of the pool.

Amy suggested a different pushing position for a bit. I sat on the toilet while once of the nurses took a twisted toilet and we did tug of war through the contractions. I can't remember how much it helped things progress, but I remember it feeling good to use other muscles in my body. After this, we went back to lying on my back because it was where most progress was made. We also took a different approach. Shelly B., my doula, said that she noticed with each push I was getting weaker and weaker through the contraction. So, she broke it down that I would need to give 3 equally strong pushes, a big quick breath in between them, and I would need to hold the push for 10 seconds. She would count down each push. I think it was the structured, athlete mentality that came out in me because this really helped me have some direction. She also pointed out that I pushed better when I held my breath. Before, they were just letting me push which I can see some women would prefer, but I tend to need boundaries and guidelines. We continued with this system for awhile and were making progress. However, Amy had to leave because of a family commitment, and was replaced by Shelly, the midwife. At first I wasn't thrilled about this, but looking back I think it helped a lot to have the fresh energy. We continued with the sets of pushing and counting.

Things were still slowly progressing and I asked Shelly what her thoughts were. She said that it would be about an hour more of pushing and I made up my mind that I could handle that. Everyone did a "Alright! Hands in. Let's do this!" type of moment and we continued our pushing. Shelly (midwife) also used a catheter to empty my bladder. I had tried to go to the bathroom several times, but could only let about a bit. So, the catheter really helped make a lot of room. From this point on it was the same, but Craig's reaction kept getting more and more vocal. He kept saying, "WOW! Ashley, you're getting really close. I'm really proud of you." I liked the "I'm really proud of you part," but soon learned that he didn't know what he was talking about because I kept pushing and pushing but no baby. So, I let him keep telling me how close I was, but didn't really believe it until Shelly (midwife) or the nurse said, "You're almost there."

I wasn't yet crowning, but they had me feel the baby's head. You could maybe feel about an inch in width of it. I remember feeling a bit disappointed, but figured at least I could feel it. There was no going to the hospital at this stage. So, we kept on. I could feel Shelly (midwife) massaging and stretching me to prevent tearing. It was pretty uncomfortable, but not so much that I felt like telling her to stop. Probably because I knew how necessary it was. These next few contractions were really difficult because I got to the point where I crowned, and then I had his head half way out, but I had to wait in between each of these for the next contraction to help give me the force to push him out further. This is something I didn't realize would be happening before giving birth. It was such an odd sensation and also frustrating. I'm sure it was good in that it allowed my body to adjust and stretch. Once I pushed his head out, there was no more waiting for contractions. Everyone was just yelling for me to push and keep pushing contraction or not. This was the first time I remember roaring more than moaning. I could feel Shelly (midwife) reaching in with her fingers to get a grip under his arms. When she got his shoulders free, the rest just slide out. I could hear them wiggling/tapping him to get him to breath/cry. I was immediately crying with relief and in a bit of shock. After all that time he was finally out of me. Once they heard him cry they wrapped him in a towel and put him on my chest. I checked to see and it was a boy. I had talked about how I wanted a girl the whole pregnancy, but so did not care anymore. His face was all swollen and he just kept crying and crying with me. The first thing I said to him was, "You're so big." This has pretty much been what was said most that day. I kissed him and continued to cry for awhile. Craig was capturing it all on video, and I asked him to announce the name. He was too choked up. I had never seen Craig cry before. I told everyone his name was Blair Morgan. He was born at 3:27, 9 lbs. 12 ounces, 21.5 inches long.

I got stitched up (2nd degree tear) and my uterus massaged (the only time I actually felt like cursing during this whole thing), and made my way to the shower. Craig called my mom and sister to tell them to meet us at the birth center. While showering, I passed out for a second, but luckily Shelly B. was in there to help me come to and get back to normal. I just needed some food after living off of cottage cheese and juice all day. My Mom and sister showed up to meet Blair and we were home by 7:30 pm.

 

First family photo

Blair and his Daddy

Blair with his Mom and Grandma

Still can't believe he was that big!

On the way home.

Meeting Bowie, his cat brother!

39 Weeks

About a week ago, I went in for a prenatal appt. and they did a cervical check. They found out I was dilated to a 6, baby was at +2 station, and I was 100% effaced. Being a first time mom, they were pretty shocked and thinking I was going to go into labor at any moment and couldn't believe I wasn't already. I had experienced nothing more than what was like minor menstrual cramps. So, they told me to call/come back if I started contractions or my water broke.

Well, after walking around like that for 4-5 days I was pretty frustrated because it seemed like I should have gone into labor. Late Monday night, my water broke and I was excited for things to get moving. We went into the birthing center and waited for my contractions to start. By morning, it hadn't happened so we started trying many various natural approaches (walking, pumping, herbs, & acupuncture) and continued to do so all day. We would like to have an unmedicated birth at the birthing center, if possible, but once my water broke they said I would be transferred to a hospital after 48 hours if I hadn't had the baby or at least started active labor. So, we stayed at the birth center one more night and still no contractions. So, this morning my midwife ordered an ultrasound at Cox for a BPP (Biophysical profile). This measures a bunch of different stuff: baby's movement, amniotic fluid, and more. The baby scored a perfect 8 out of 8. We were really looking for the amniotic fluid mostly. A good level would be a 13, and I was at a 19, so this led them to believe that my amniotic sac had sealed back up. This meant that I could wait, and try to go into labor on my own.

So, now we're home and playing the waiting game again. I've had a lot of emotions today, but just trying to keep in mind that the baby is doing well.

37 Week Pregnancy Pictures

I wasn't really into the whole prenatal pictures thing because I'm not very comfortable in front of the camera, but did want something to capture the time. I also thought they would be a good keepsake for our little one. We had a rainy Sunday and so Craig snapped some shots and I did a tad of editing.

37 Weeks

I did it. Yesterday was my last day of school and I really feel like I can be excited now. It was all about just making it to the end of school for so long. People kept asking me if I was "ready" or "excited." I didn't feel like I fully could be until I was on summer break. Today starts week 37 and if I get to be choosey, I'd just like to have this week to get some things done (and relax a bit). Then Week 38 is go time for me! However, that doesn't mean it will happen. I could be pregnant for another month for all I know.

My hip pain has gotten better, but has moved over to the left. There is absolutely no rhyme or reason to what causes it as far as my activity goes. I could be sitting all day and it may or may not hurt the next. I could have a really active day on my feet and it feels awesome the next. But a week later I do the same thing and it hurts. So, I try to stick with something in the middle, but that isn't even guaranteed to make me pain free. I'll go through spurts where I'm pain free for a week and then it will randomly start acting up again. I'm just glad it hasn't gotten so bad that I need crutches.

We've got our garden pretty much squared away along with the nursery. This next week I'd like to tackle a few freezer meals, and just keep the house organized and picked up. Craig has school until the end of the week which will give me some time to myself. I plan on soaking it up because this will be it for a long while.

Craig and I went out to eat at Grad School the other night to celebrate my last day of school and we were talking about being curious if the baby was a boy or a girl. I know I will be in love with our baby just as much no matter what it is, but I really want to use the girl name we've picked out! I love both of the names, and they both have sentimental value but the girl name is one I've thought about for a long time. I still think that for our next pregnancy we'll wait to find out the baby's sex, but it is hard to wait at the same time.

Some of my students kept asking me what I planned on doing this summer. I would just say, "Oh, just learning how to be a mom. You know, getting pooped and puked on all summer." So, I definitely know it's not going to be bliss the whole time, but there are some things I'm excited about:

1. Carrying the baby in the wrap while I pick things from the garden or go to the park and such.
2. Craig's family coming to meet the baby and getting to spend a week with them. Their visits here have had to be shorter, so it will be nice to have the extra time.
3. Seeing Craig hold and interact with the baby. It will be nice to see this because I feel like it's been mostly me for obvious reasons.
4. Watching our kitties become friends with the baby.
5. Spending time at my Mom's with my family in Branson. It's kinda cool that Craig and I are taking part in making the family bigger.

As far as labor goes, overall I'd say I'm not as nervous as I thought I would be. I think I've done a good job of staying away from negative stories and thoughts by surrounding myself with positive ones, but also educating myself on labor and delivery. Our birthing class was awesome and I feel like it's really prepared us. Of course, I do think about being transferred or undergoing a c-section from time to time, but I don't feel it's something that's consuming me. I know I would have a difficult time if that's the outcome, but know I'd just have to let myself be sad about it in order to accept it. Some people say the only thing that matters is a healthy baby. While I believe that the most important thing is a healthy baby, I believe the mother's emotions about the birth do matter significantly. It's something that I've been preparing for and thinking about even before I got pregnant. So, I have tried to keep a balanced approach with staying positive about a natural unmedicated birth while knowing that if more serious interventions are necessary I'll allow myself to feel what I feel in order to accept it.

9 months! If there ends up being a 10 month picture... I might not be smiling in that one!

32 Weeks

The 32 week mark came with the removal of my crutches. I couldn't be happier. It's like on the first day of week 28 I was told, "Here. Here are your crutches. You need these." And then the first day of week 32, "Okay. Give them back. You're done now." I'm definitely not complaining. It's just really weird.

My baby shower was great. Seeing a lot of friends and family made me feel loved and supported at this time. It was great having Christie and Rachel here along with Craig's family. I got to do my last hurrah with cooking up a storm for people. I know it will be in my best interest to not have the same expectations when I have company and a little one. Maybe I can become a pro at freezer meals? Here are pictures from the shower:

Christie came all the way from Chicago to carpool with Rachel from St. Louis.

Christie, Rachel, and Morgan (who came from New York!)

Kim & Morgan

My Mom and I

My Sisters. McKenna & Charly Jo. Just missing Chelsea!

Goodie bags that my Mom, McKenna, and Charly Jo put together.

The venue: Honey Heaven Beestro

Everyone made the baby a onesie or a bib.

I said "cute" a bunch.

High School friends: Mike, Mica, and Tristin

Morgan, Me, and Kim

My cousins, Nichole & Rachael, & their little girls, Abby & Aidrey.

My Mom and Linda

My Grandma Bolling and I. Pictures with here are a rare gem!

Parents to be

Uncle Scot and Aunt Pam

The cabinet that Craig and his Dad refinished. I wish we did a before. It was a dark green.

Morgan, Kim, & Craig the morning everyone left.




 

 

32 weeks

31 Weeks

And 8 weeks later, things are much more different and just um, bigger. So far, the third trimester has been my least favorite. Starting my 28th week I was having immense back/hip pain that left me unable to walk for a day, and hobbling around with crutches for weeks. I have been going to the chiropractor 2 times a week and trying to keep a balance of resting and staying active. It's called pelvic girdle pain. The hormone relaxin is increasing and causing the tendons and ligaments to become flexible. Good for childbirth preparation, bad if something settles in the wrong place because it can be very painful. Some women have it for most of their pregnancy, some don't feel it until after their baby is born. I'm sure having scoliosis isn't something that's helping, but I was relieved when I found out it was something women can experience regardless of preexisting conditions.

I can gladly say that I think the worst is over. A couple weeks ago it was really scary. Mostly because I couldn't walk. I didn't know if that was how it was going to be for the rest of my pregnancy, I didn't know if it would effect having a natural birth, and it also put a wrench in getting stuff done. I wouldn't say I've been able to do a lot of the fun things I've wanted for our baby just yet. We've been focusing on getting our basement taken care of so that Myles could move down there. His room was the future baby room. So, my hip started acting up in a prime time. It was also an important week at work because my students were being inducted in NAHS, and we were going to the city museum.  So, all of this combined made me a big emotional mess for a bit. It was frustrating because I was being told that I needed to stay active, but not too active. I wanted to do whatever it took to get better, but it was difficult to know what my boundaries were.

By now, I am almost to 8 months and I feel like I have most of it figured out. I've been good about allowing help when I know I need it, and I've gotten better about taking breaks throughout the day. I'm so close to being able to go without my crutches, but am trying to play it safe a bit longer. I don't want to revert back. Craig's been awesome with all the physical aspects of helping me, and dealing with my emotional roller coaster. It makes me feel confident for what's to come.

Next weekend is the baby shower. I have friends and family coming from all over Missouri and Craig's Mom, Dad, and sister are coming from the east coast. His family and my friends Rachel and Christie will be staying with us. It will be a full house, but with all the work we've done it will be nice to share our space and enjoy everyone. My mom and sister have  been working a lot of the details of the shower. It's at a place called Honey Heaven and specializes in their homegrown local honey. We've decided to go along with the bee theme.

Some pictures from the past couple of months:

6 months

7 months

23 Weeks

Today is my second snow day of the year and it's 5:15 am. A good time to get caught up. Since week 17 the major happenings with my pregnancy have been more movement, the ultrasound, and pretty much just getting bigger. Some of my getting bigger has been due to the return of my appetite times 10, which is fun but 1) I don't want to have a ginormous baby 2) I don't want to have to buy new maternity pants! In one month, I gained about 8 pounds. However, I've been plateauing for the past week or two and my midwife told me not to worry about weight just yet. I had a week where I could make it to the gym and I had a carrot cake on my hands that I couldn't let go to waste.

20 week (5 Month) Bump

We also have started looking for childcare which I didn't realize how stressful it would be. We've visited a couple places that were way too expensive and a couple that had too much focus on the TV. The place we'd like is in Republic, on my way to work, but we're waiting to hear if they will have an opening. This place is run my two sisters out of their house, who also have their own children attending. They cook good food (non frozen/processed meals) and only have about 30 min of TV time for the older children. They would be willing to support cloth diapers, AND we wouldn't have to pay a holding fee throughout the summer while Craig and I have off. We're really hoping this works out.

The ultrasound was pretty cool. I had been feeling movements for awhile at that point and it was amazing to see some of the movements that corresponded with what I could feel. Craig hadn't felt any of the movements, yet, so it was nice for him to see the baby. There was one picture where the baby was holding a peace sign, but the printer was running out of ink and didn't come out very clearly.

I think I see Craig's eyes in this one.

Nico was interested in seeing his new brother.

Little baby foot.

This past weekend, Craig and I took a "babymoon" trip and stayed at a Bed and Breakfast in Independence, MO. We stayed at a place called the Silver Heart Inn. It's a B&B that is about 2 years old in a historic house. We ate out a Mugs Up, Thai Spice, and Vivolore. We also toured the Truman House, which is pretty neat because it remains in tact since Bess Truman died in 1982.  Dinner at Vivolore was great. I had roasted chicken bowtie pasta and Craig had a roasted duck salad. We also had coconut shrimp for our appetizer. Vivolore was a neat setting because it was also an art gallery/antique store. So, you could walk throughout and look at a lot of interesting items.

Dinner at Vivolore

Antiques at Vivolore

Antiques at Vivolore

It has been nice having these past couple of days off because we've been able to get caught up on some things around the house. We are so close to having the basement finished. The bathroom is working with the floor done and walls painted. We're just waiting on getting the floors done in the other rooms and then we'll just have the doors and trim to put up.

17 weeks

So,  it's been awhile. Things have flown by the past month with getting the semester wrapped up, then break, the holidays, and gearing up for second semester. I thought I would have so much time over break, but more than half of it was spent grading and preparing for school. I'm really hoping for just a couple snow days to be able to relax and be forced to stay home.

This is a good opportunity to jump back into my blog because I have officially felt our little babe move. I'm pretty sure I felt it a week ago, but was unsure at the time because I had been gassy. Now that it's been a week, I've gotten pretty good at noticing the difference. I've felt 3 different kinds of movement. The first time, a week ago, felt like a deliberate poke. Like someone saying, "Hi. I'm here." Today, I have felt a series of flutters/bubbles and also a snake-like feeling. The snake feeling is creepy. I guess it could also be described as a rolling feeling, which is less creepy, but "snake" is just what I immediately thought of.  I told Craig about it and he was like, "Let me feel." I tried to tell him it was random and he'd have to sit there with his hand on my belly for awhile, but he still tried and couldn't stand to wait more than a couple minutes. It will be nice when they are more consistent and prominent.

We will be meeting with a few doulas next Saturday. It was suggested since it's our first time, and women with alignment issues tend to have longer labors. A doula will be able to help assist us through that. One of the doulas has 13 children, so... I'm already leaning towards her, but another one is a licensed massage therapist. So we'll see!

4 Months