Baby #2: 7.5 Months

One year later and on to baby #2. We planned this, but it still came faster than we expected. The due date is February 15th and Blair will be 20 months old. There have been times it's been hard to focus on this pregnancy like the first one because I'm chasing Blair around. In a lot of ways, that's good because it's a distraction from the discomforts.

Overall, I've had low progesterone throughout the entire pregnancy. It could be related to the short time in between pregnancies or the fact that I'm still nursing Blair. I think it helped with not having as much nausea in the first trimester,  but since October I've been getting injections twice a each (one in each hip each time). It's caused a lot of achey-ness and since relaxin has kicked in full force lately, my pelvis is a mess. However, I'm not on crutches yet. I've been doing a good job of taking it easy when I need to. I haven't been exercising as much this time around, like swimming, but I still walk and stretch.

The other big thing about this pregnancy is that I'm trying to watch what I eat more so that the baby will be smaller. I've been using a calorie counter on my phone and it's helped a lot. It not only counts calories, but tells me how much carbs, fat, and protein I've had in a day. At my 30 week appointment I have gained 20 lbs versus the 36 lbs at 30 weeks during my first pregnancy. That made me feel pretty good. Regardless, I'll at least know I did what I could. There were a lot of benefits to Blair being a big baby, so it will be interesting to see if a difference is made.

One apparent difference is how active this baby is. I remember Blair moving, but NOT like this one. This baby will keep me up at night tossing and turning. It has woken me up by literally kicking my butt so hard it hurt. So, to say the least... I'm a bit nervous about what we're getting into here.

6.5 Months Later

We are currently on the last few days of our winter break. The past  months have been the hardest, but also the happiest because of Blair. I never thought I would want to be a stay at home mom because I've always loved my career. However, if we could afford it I totally would. Aside from Blair's fussy phases, teething, lack of sleep, car rides, and poopy diapers, taking him to day care and going to work is the hardest part. I keep trying to tell myself that there are many good things about it, mostly the socialization factor with the other children. It's still so hard. I keep thinking, "All he needs is ME!" but I've been told that's pretty much going to be the struggle I face with being a mom the rest of my life. When I'm thinking rationally, of course I know he needs other things but it's hard when for almost a full year of pregnancy, you really were all he needed.

Balancing work, family, marriage, and personal (alone) life has been really difficult. Our house is messier, I don't do much on my own let alone with Craig, and I have refused to do work at home. This last part is good for home, but makes the time I'm actually at work very stressful. I've had to lower my expectations, which I don't feel great about but I'm doing my best. I struggle with knowing what I want to do for my job next year. What I teach and my set up at Aurora is exactly what I want and it's hard for me to imagine I could have that anywhere else. The 1.5 hrs. of commuting time each day really brings me down, however. I can't decide if I would like to try to find another teaching job closer, or if I should stay at Aurora 1 more year and do the  four years I originally planned. I think regardless, I'm going to keep my eyes open, but since there is so much unknown right now, it's hard to feel confident and secure about any direction. Ultimately, I try to just stay focused on Blair and Craig and know that we are very blessed and live like kings and queens in the grand scheme of things.