Hazel's Birth

Hazel's birth was much different than Blair's. For most of the pregnancy, I had the feeling that I wouldn't make it to my due date because of my low progesterone levels and I would have bouts of frequent cramping contractions. However I ended up going one week past my due date. I was checked at 37 weeks and without giving me a number they said I was "labor ready." I later learned that I had been at a 3. I stayed at a 3 for the next 3 weeks, and grew pretty discouraged. At 40 weeks and 2 days, I had a membrane sweep. Nothing happened. At 40 weeks and 5 days I had another membrane sweep combined with castor oil and acupuncture later on in the day. My midwives said with some of the complications I had with Blair and the fact that he was a big baby, they wanted to start trying to induce labor so it would happen sooner rather than later. I wasn't able to stay as long as I wanted for the acupuncture treatment.
The next day, I stayed home and tried to balance relaxing with walking, ball bouncing, etc. Still nothing. It was really hard to be at home alone while anticipating that I could go into labor any moment, but I was also starting to worry about risking out of the birth center's care at 42 weeks. It made me very anxious because I didn't know what it would be like to be transferred to the hospital.
Wednesday, the 22nd, I had a morning appointment for acupuncture and I planned on camping out there until they told me to leave. I brought a book, my laptop, and other things to keep me preoccupied. While sitting there with the needles in, I mostly took a nap. Once he sticks the needles, you have to wait until they either fall out, or release easily when they come to check them. There were 3 different sessions with different placements and I was there about 3 hours. So, not as long as I thought. Later, I had another prenatal appointment which included another membrane sweep and they sent me home with castor oil. I also talked with them about what to expect if I were transferred to a hospital at 42 weeks. They said we would continue to do things to try and induce labor naturally, and by 41.5 weeks, if I didn't have a baby, they would break my water and hopefully I'd go into labor. If not, by 42 weeks it would be necessary to be transferred. Talking about all of that gave me peace of mind because I knew we would have done everything we could and it would truly be time for transferring. I was able to put my anxieties at bay for a bit.

I went home, had dinner with Craig and Blair, and took the castor oil afterwards. We skyped with Craig's Parents, gave Blair a bath, and went to bed. Just before settling in, I went to the bathroom and was pretty much waiting for the castor oil to kick in, but nothing was really happening. I came back into the bedroom and felt multiple "popping" sensations with liquid trickling down my leg. I was nervous and embarrassed. I said to Craig, "I'm not sure if the castor oil just kicked in, or if my water broke." I looked and it was my water. Craig mentioned calling the midwife, but with my experience with Blair (contractions not starting after water broke), I said I wanted to give it a few minutes to see. I went to the bathroom and sat on the toilet for a few minutes. I was afraid that with my water breaking and sensitivities with the risk of infection, that the castor oil would then kick in and it would just be a big mess. Nothing happened until after a few minutes, I stood up and felt my first contraction and it was extremely intense. I immediately started moaning and getting down on my knees leaning over the edge of the bath tub.

Craig came in and I told him to call Shelly (doula) and the midwife to at least let them know I was in labor. By that point, I had only had 2 contractions so I couldn't give tell them accurately how far apart they were. So I didn't know if we'd be staying home longer, or headed to the birth center. Craig told Shelly and my Mom that they could head to our house. Craig kept asking me multiple questions in a row while I was having my contractions and it sent me over the edge. I slammed my hand on the ground and screamed, "DON'T ASK ME QUESTIONS WHILE I'M HAVING A CONTRACTION!" I started to worry I was going to wake up Blair, so I told Craig it was probably best if we headed to the birth center. We had a few of my contractions charted. They were about 1.5 min long and 2-5 min apart. At this point, I was still in the bathroom and decided to go out onto the playmat in the living room. Craig went to ask a neighbor to stay with Blair until my Mom arrived. He came back about 3 minutes later and said, "The woman across the street is going to sit here." Later, I learned Craig was nervous I would say, "NO!" because we didn't know her. But I was like, "Whatever! Let's get out of here." We were only 20-30 minutes into  labor and I was already feeling the slight urge to push. I was still on the mat leaning over the yoga ball when Morgan (learned her name later) arrived. Craig asked if I wanted to head out and I said, "Let me get through one more contraction," because I didn't want to be walking out the door in the middle of one. So, Morgan got to watch that, and then we headed out.

I don't remember to much about the drive there. I think Craig made a couple calls and I probably yelled at him for driving too fast around the curves or something, but we made it. Immediately when I entered the birth center I had to grab onto one of the chairs by the main door and squeeze my legs together. I told the birth attendant, Leah, "I'm not sure if I have to poop or push." She helped me into the bathroom and Carla (midwife) came to check me. She didn't say much about if I was dilated or how far along I was, but that we could head back to the room. I came to the bed and was standing next to it while leaning over my hands pressing into the bed. Someone eventually gave me the yoga ball to lean over while still standing over the bed and that felt much better. Shelly showed up and during contractions, she would stand behind me and press my hips together. I felt pain in my left low back/hip region and this made it feel more manageable. Once again, I was sensitive to noise. I had to ask everyone to whisper during my contractions.

I remember at one point asking Carla, "How much longer?" I didn't want to psych myself up, but it felt a lot different than Blair's birth. I didn't get the urge to push as quickly and I could actually feel this baby's head trying to emerge. Carla said, "Not much longer," which was vague but good enough. At one point, I remember feeling the contraction along with Hazel's head surging down, then when the contraction was over it would retract back into my body. I said, "I hate that feeling!" and Carla said it was good because with was slowly allowing my body to stretch. Eventually, her head didn't retract as much. I could tell time was getting close and I didn't see Craig. I said, "Where's Craig?" and he came over, in front of me, and lightly touched my arms. It felt like needles and I pushed him off and said, "Don't touch me!" Looking back, what I wanted to say was, "Don't touch me like THAT!" because I did want him there. I ended up tell him to get the camera and he filmed the rest.

As I was crowning, Carla told me to reach down because she wanted me to help catch the baby. In my mind I thought, "No thanks, I'm doing enough here," but I went along with it. Once the head was out, there was a pause and she wasn't fully out. I remember saying, "Help me!" because I thought she was stuck and wanted to know what to do. Switch positions? Push harder? But I later learned that Carla was slowly easing her out because her hand was up by her face. Easing her out slowly reduced the amount of tearing. Abby, apprentice midwife, suggested I put my foot up on the bedframe to create some more room in my pelvis and it was then that she came out. I pulled her close and fell on the bed. They wrapped her in a towel and I actually didn't know she was a girl until someone said, "What is it?" I pulled back the towel and Craig said, "It's a girl!" I wailed and wailed and wailed.  I remember barely holding onto her I was wailing so much.

I was losing some blood, so I was given a shot of pitocin. The placenta coming out and them pushing all over my belly was just as horrible as I remember. I guess it wasn't as bad as contractions, but I think after going through something like that, you're just done and anymore pain seems horrible and worth complaining about. Someone asked what time she was born and they said 11:59am. This made us smile and laugh a bit because 1) Craig's dad had a pool going at work for when I would have the baby and Mark said Wed. February 22nd. And 2) Craig just finished reading a biography on George Washington and said he thought it would be cool if she was born on Washington's birthday. At the time Craig said this, I was around 40 weeks and did not think it sounded "cool" to be a week over my due date. But that's the way it happened. Hazel and I had our hour together and she began nursing easily. Craig called my Mom and told her the news. We called Craig's parents, as well. I was really excited and proud to tell my Mom Hazel's name: Hazel Leora. Although, Craig was the one that told her, and I wasn't happy about it. So, I at least got to tell his parents.

Some random things I remember about when she was first born:

• She had so much hair! Much more than Blair.
• Her nail beds were really long. They said not to cut them because they would retract a bit.
• She kept sticking out her tongue.

After things were cleaned up, I showered, Hazel was given a Vitamin K shot for possible bruising from a quick entrance and weighed/measured: 7lbs 15oz, 21 inches. Craig and I sat in the bed and waited to be cleared to go home. I said that I was a bit in shock not only from how quickly everything happened (water broke at 10pm, contractions started, and she was here by 11:59pm), but that we also had a girl. We never really allowed ourselves to think one way or the other and for now we could. Our vitals were good and we were home by 4am.

We were excited to get home to see my Mom and for Blair to meet his little sister. We, of course, got a video of him meeting her, but I'll never forget the feeling of seeing his face. It was sweet, curious, and gentle. You could tell he knew this was something special. He was immediately able to say her name and he even added "Cute," while he squeezed her toe. We shortly afterward took Blair to daycare and slept for an hour or two. I remember I still had the shocked, adrenaline rush of everything happening the way it did for days.

Baby #2: 7.5 Months

One year later and on to baby #2. We planned this, but it still came faster than we expected. The due date is February 15th and Blair will be 20 months old. There have been times it's been hard to focus on this pregnancy like the first one because I'm chasing Blair around. In a lot of ways, that's good because it's a distraction from the discomforts.

Overall, I've had low progesterone throughout the entire pregnancy. It could be related to the short time in between pregnancies or the fact that I'm still nursing Blair. I think it helped with not having as much nausea in the first trimester,  but since October I've been getting injections twice a each (one in each hip each time). It's caused a lot of achey-ness and since relaxin has kicked in full force lately, my pelvis is a mess. However, I'm not on crutches yet. I've been doing a good job of taking it easy when I need to. I haven't been exercising as much this time around, like swimming, but I still walk and stretch.

The other big thing about this pregnancy is that I'm trying to watch what I eat more so that the baby will be smaller. I've been using a calorie counter on my phone and it's helped a lot. It not only counts calories, but tells me how much carbs, fat, and protein I've had in a day. At my 30 week appointment I have gained 20 lbs versus the 36 lbs at 30 weeks during my first pregnancy. That made me feel pretty good. Regardless, I'll at least know I did what I could. There were a lot of benefits to Blair being a big baby, so it will be interesting to see if a difference is made.

One apparent difference is how active this baby is. I remember Blair moving, but NOT like this one. This baby will keep me up at night tossing and turning. It has woken me up by literally kicking my butt so hard it hurt. So, to say the least... I'm a bit nervous about what we're getting into here.

6.5 Months Later

We are currently on the last few days of our winter break. The past  months have been the hardest, but also the happiest because of Blair. I never thought I would want to be a stay at home mom because I've always loved my career. However, if we could afford it I totally would. Aside from Blair's fussy phases, teething, lack of sleep, car rides, and poopy diapers, taking him to day care and going to work is the hardest part. I keep trying to tell myself that there are many good things about it, mostly the socialization factor with the other children. It's still so hard. I keep thinking, "All he needs is ME!" but I've been told that's pretty much going to be the struggle I face with being a mom the rest of my life. When I'm thinking rationally, of course I know he needs other things but it's hard when for almost a full year of pregnancy, you really were all he needed.

Balancing work, family, marriage, and personal (alone) life has been really difficult. Our house is messier, I don't do much on my own let alone with Craig, and I have refused to do work at home. This last part is good for home, but makes the time I'm actually at work very stressful. I've had to lower my expectations, which I don't feel great about but I'm doing my best. I struggle with knowing what I want to do for my job next year. What I teach and my set up at Aurora is exactly what I want and it's hard for me to imagine I could have that anywhere else. The 1.5 hrs. of commuting time each day really brings me down, however. I can't decide if I would like to try to find another teaching job closer, or if I should stay at Aurora 1 more year and do the  four years I originally planned. I think regardless, I'm going to keep my eyes open, but since there is so much unknown right now, it's hard to feel confident and secure about any direction. Ultimately, I try to just stay focused on Blair and Craig and know that we are very blessed and live like kings and queens in the grand scheme of things.

Blair: 0-2 Months

We are at 8 weeks with Blair. There are so many things I've learned about myself that I never would have guessed. First (and I feel weird saying this), but I have liked it so much more than I imagined. Of course I knew I would like being a mom, but assumed that this time would be filled with so many challenges that it would be hard to see the good. There have definitely been challenges, but they are short lived compared to all of the good stuff. Challenges being getting peed on, getting puked on so much that I had to change my shirt 3 times within 1 hour, trying to eat without scarfing food down, breastfeeding (probably the biggest), and lack of sleep. The good stuff being all the cuddles and Blair sleeping on my chest, his first genuine smile, cooing, and singing to him.

Another thing I've learned about myself is that going back to work is harder than I imagined. I thought I would be ready to go back because I love work and teaching! I know in the grand scheme, it is what I want to do, but I just wish I could either take him with me, or stay at home too. Neither are possible, but I just feel very torn. We did a few practice days with our provider, Fran. So far, things are going well but it is still so hard.

We have also had many visitors over the past couple of months: My Mom, Darren, Charly Jo, McKenna, Mica, Mike, John and Mary, Will and Sarah, Paul and Rhonda, Craig's Parents, Craig's sister, Rachel, Katie Rock, Katie Espy, and Jamie.

Blair had his first experience in the pool a few weeks ago. He didn't like it, though, because the water was too cold. We will be trying the Otteroo on Craig's birthday in my Mom's bath tub because it's deeper. I hope he can get used to a cooler temperature soon. I would love to go to the pool with him.

One of the things people say the most is how big he is. A week ago at his appointment, he weighed in at 14 lbs. They said his weight gain would probably slow down a bit now.  There was a weekend in the 1st month that he gained a whole pound within 3-4 days!

 

 

 

Tummy Time with Dad.

Rachel's Visit

Blair's Birth

About 2 hours after the previous post, I was in bed and felt the baby move in a way I had not felt before. It was like it was kicking and turning around and around. Very active. It made me concerned, so I called my midwife, Amy. She said that in the late stages of pregnancy this could happen, but she wasn't concerned. We hung up the phone and I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep without a heart rate check, so I called the on call number and Shelly agreed to meet us at the birth center. It was midnight, and I felt bad having her come in for another late night check but knew I wouldn't be able to sleep without it. His heart rate was fine, and the amniotic swab test came back inconclusive. It was pretty much yellow, but there were some slight changes in the fibers. So, once again she wanted us to treat it like there was indeed a leak just to be safe. We returned home to continue the waiting game.


At about 1:45 am, my water broke again. It pretty much happened the same way as the first time, I got up out of bed to use the bathroom and the rush of water came. I wasn't sure what to think or do. I figured I should call the midwives again just to let them know. I wasn't hopeful that this time would be any different. They said to just let them know if any contractions started. Craig and I lied in bed and tried to rest. Within 10 minutes of getting off the phone with Shelly, I had a tightening pain in my abdomen. I immediately knew this was something and told Craig to get his iPad which had the contraction timer on it. The first one was inaccurate because it was half over by the time he started timing, but it was around a minute. We continued to time them and after I got about 7 under our belt I called Shelly back to let her know. They were still a bit inconsistent, but it was enough to know that we had begun labor. I told her I wanted to go ahead to the birthing center to hang out and if things weren't consistently progressing she could leave us their alone to labor because she only lived 5 minutes away.  However within 30 minutes of being there, my contractions started to be about 1-2 minutes long and 3-4 minutes apart. So, I called my doula, Shelly B., and she called my midwife, Amy.

By the time Shelly B. arrived, I was using the yoga ball through my contractions and leaning and swaying over an end table. I asked them to get the pool ready so I could labor in there for a bit. Craig helped me through some of my contractions by letting me lean and sway on him. It was kind of like we were slow dancing in Junior High. It was funny because we've never danced together before even at a wedding. So, I guess we can now say that our first dance was when Blair was being born.

I got into the pool and labored in there for a little while. It was relaxing, for sure, but I don't think I was far enough along into labor that it made a huge difference. It was mostly just nice to switch it up a bit. I remember Craig and Shelly having conversations about teaching a birthing class and letting babies and children watch TV. This was the beginning of me becoming super focused with eyes closed 95% of the time, and having difficulty responding to anyone. From this point on, I remember people asking me questions about what I wanted: water? a cool rag? massage? and most of the time I remember saying, "I don't know." I'm sure that was frustrating from their end, but I was doing good to even get that out. I also stopped paying attention to the time. There was a clock above the bed that I refused to let myself look at, but luckily my eyes were just closed most of the time.

I ended up getting out of the pool and shortly after Amy arrived. She asked me if I wanted to be checked for dilation. I told her I was nervous about it because I didn't want to be disappointed if I hadn't progressed, especially with the roller coaster we'd been on the past week. She proposed that she check, but just not tell me the status. I agreed to that and after she checked, she assured me that I had nothing to be disappointed about. This meant I was dilated to 10, and Amy said that whenever I felt the urge to bare down, that I should push with it. I did look at the clock at this moment and it was 7am. I told Craig to text our parents and let them know that I had begun to push. At this point, I figured I would be holding our baby within the next few hours.

I can't remember what position I started out pushing, but looking back I know I was not ready to push when I started. Amy was coaching me through some of my contractions and and suggested I try pushing while on hands and knees on the bed and leaning over the yoga ball. This wasn't very comfortable at all. I also remember a lot of people being in the room at this time. At least 5 people, and some of them were talking and laughing. This really annoyed me especially when I was going through a contraction and moaning/pushing in pain. I eventually had to say twice, "PLEASE STOP TALKING." It helped for the most part, but sometimes they'd still talk. This is definitely something I'll make clear the next time I have a baby. No talking, unless absolutely necessary, while I'm working through a contraction. It just didn't seem right that I was over there in pain while people were chatting it up and laughing.

 After a few hours Amy mentioned that there wasn't much progress being made. So, she suggested that I try lying on my back which was the last thing I wanted to do. However, I was already told that they might suggest something I wasn't in favor of, and I would just need to suck it up and try. I had been pushing while lying on my back for awhile. Shelly B. and Craig would push my legs back for me and Amy would coach me through the contraction. I'm assuming we did this for at least an hour or two and there still wasn't much progress. At this point, I could tell Amy was starting to be concerned because she mentioned going to the hospital for a vacuum assist if things didn't move along. She said they were progressing, but not fast enough and she was worried about me becoming too tired. This shook me a bit, and I realized how tired I was. Craig seemed resistant to the hospital idea, which in the moment I remember wanting to kill him for, but looking back I'm glad. He spoke for that part of me that was being distracted. He asked if there was anything else we could do or try before resorting to a transfer. Amy got a suggestion from Mary, the owner of the birth center, to let me take a break in the birthing pool, make me eat and drink something, and hook me up to an IV to get me re-hydrated. They were hoping this would give me a boost of energy. I remember not being very hopeful, but still having that "I don't know/indifferent/apathetic" attitude. I got into the birthing  pool and this is where I realized I had started pushing too early because I was actually feeling the urges to push without even trying. There were times I could feel my body pushing on it's own and then other times where it made me actively push with it. I went through this for awhile while Amy hooked me up to an IV. I'm usually pretty squeamish with needles, but remember it not even phasing me. I remember them doing heart rate checks on the baby and this is where they started to get really uncomfortable because they had to press it against my abdomen. Luckily, Blair's heart rate stayed strong and consistent throughout the entire thing. Craig forced juice and cottage cheese on me and once the IV was done I was out of the pool.

Amy suggested a different pushing position for a bit. I sat on the toilet while once of the nurses took a twisted toilet and we did tug of war through the contractions. I can't remember how much it helped things progress, but I remember it feeling good to use other muscles in my body. After this, we went back to lying on my back because it was where most progress was made. We also took a different approach. Shelly B., my doula, said that she noticed with each push I was getting weaker and weaker through the contraction. So, she broke it down that I would need to give 3 equally strong pushes, a big quick breath in between them, and I would need to hold the push for 10 seconds. She would count down each push. I think it was the structured, athlete mentality that came out in me because this really helped me have some direction. She also pointed out that I pushed better when I held my breath. Before, they were just letting me push which I can see some women would prefer, but I tend to need boundaries and guidelines. We continued with this system for awhile and were making progress. However, Amy had to leave because of a family commitment, and was replaced by Shelly, the midwife. At first I wasn't thrilled about this, but looking back I think it helped a lot to have the fresh energy. We continued with the sets of pushing and counting.

Things were still slowly progressing and I asked Shelly what her thoughts were. She said that it would be about an hour more of pushing and I made up my mind that I could handle that. Everyone did a "Alright! Hands in. Let's do this!" type of moment and we continued our pushing. Shelly (midwife) also used a catheter to empty my bladder. I had tried to go to the bathroom several times, but could only let about a bit. So, the catheter really helped make a lot of room. From this point on it was the same, but Craig's reaction kept getting more and more vocal. He kept saying, "WOW! Ashley, you're getting really close. I'm really proud of you." I liked the "I'm really proud of you part," but soon learned that he didn't know what he was talking about because I kept pushing and pushing but no baby. So, I let him keep telling me how close I was, but didn't really believe it until Shelly (midwife) or the nurse said, "You're almost there."

I wasn't yet crowning, but they had me feel the baby's head. You could maybe feel about an inch in width of it. I remember feeling a bit disappointed, but figured at least I could feel it. There was no going to the hospital at this stage. So, we kept on. I could feel Shelly (midwife) massaging and stretching me to prevent tearing. It was pretty uncomfortable, but not so much that I felt like telling her to stop. Probably because I knew how necessary it was. These next few contractions were really difficult because I got to the point where I crowned, and then I had his head half way out, but I had to wait in between each of these for the next contraction to help give me the force to push him out further. This is something I didn't realize would be happening before giving birth. It was such an odd sensation and also frustrating. I'm sure it was good in that it allowed my body to adjust and stretch. Once I pushed his head out, there was no more waiting for contractions. Everyone was just yelling for me to push and keep pushing contraction or not. This was the first time I remember roaring more than moaning. I could feel Shelly (midwife) reaching in with her fingers to get a grip under his arms. When she got his shoulders free, the rest just slide out. I could hear them wiggling/tapping him to get him to breath/cry. I was immediately crying with relief and in a bit of shock. After all that time he was finally out of me. Once they heard him cry they wrapped him in a towel and put him on my chest. I checked to see and it was a boy. I had talked about how I wanted a girl the whole pregnancy, but so did not care anymore. His face was all swollen and he just kept crying and crying with me. The first thing I said to him was, "You're so big." This has pretty much been what was said most that day. I kissed him and continued to cry for awhile. Craig was capturing it all on video, and I asked him to announce the name. He was too choked up. I had never seen Craig cry before. I told everyone his name was Blair Morgan. He was born at 3:27, 9 lbs. 12 ounces, 21.5 inches long.

I got stitched up (2nd degree tear) and my uterus massaged (the only time I actually felt like cursing during this whole thing), and made my way to the shower. Craig called my mom and sister to tell them to meet us at the birth center. While showering, I passed out for a second, but luckily Shelly B. was in there to help me come to and get back to normal. I just needed some food after living off of cottage cheese and juice all day. My Mom and sister showed up to meet Blair and we were home by 7:30 pm.

 

First family photo

Blair and his Daddy

Blair with his Mom and Grandma

Still can't believe he was that big!

On the way home.

Meeting Bowie, his cat brother!

39 Weeks

About a week ago, I went in for a prenatal appt. and they did a cervical check. They found out I was dilated to a 6, baby was at +2 station, and I was 100% effaced. Being a first time mom, they were pretty shocked and thinking I was going to go into labor at any moment and couldn't believe I wasn't already. I had experienced nothing more than what was like minor menstrual cramps. So, they told me to call/come back if I started contractions or my water broke.

Well, after walking around like that for 4-5 days I was pretty frustrated because it seemed like I should have gone into labor. Late Monday night, my water broke and I was excited for things to get moving. We went into the birthing center and waited for my contractions to start. By morning, it hadn't happened so we started trying many various natural approaches (walking, pumping, herbs, & acupuncture) and continued to do so all day. We would like to have an unmedicated birth at the birthing center, if possible, but once my water broke they said I would be transferred to a hospital after 48 hours if I hadn't had the baby or at least started active labor. So, we stayed at the birth center one more night and still no contractions. So, this morning my midwife ordered an ultrasound at Cox for a BPP (Biophysical profile). This measures a bunch of different stuff: baby's movement, amniotic fluid, and more. The baby scored a perfect 8 out of 8. We were really looking for the amniotic fluid mostly. A good level would be a 13, and I was at a 19, so this led them to believe that my amniotic sac had sealed back up. This meant that I could wait, and try to go into labor on my own.

So, now we're home and playing the waiting game again. I've had a lot of emotions today, but just trying to keep in mind that the baby is doing well.

37 Week Pregnancy Pictures

I wasn't really into the whole prenatal pictures thing because I'm not very comfortable in front of the camera, but did want something to capture the time. I also thought they would be a good keepsake for our little one. We had a rainy Sunday and so Craig snapped some shots and I did a tad of editing.