We are currently on the last few days of our winter break. The past months have been the hardest, but also the happiest because of Blair. I never thought I would want to be a stay at home mom because I've always loved my career. However, if we could afford it I totally would. Aside from Blair's fussy phases, teething, lack of sleep, car rides, and poopy diapers, taking him to day care and going to work is the hardest part. I keep trying to tell myself that there are many good things about it, mostly the socialization factor with the other children. It's still so hard. I keep thinking, "All he needs is ME!" but I've been told that's pretty much going to be the struggle I face with being a mom the rest of my life. When I'm thinking rationally, of course I know he needs other things but it's hard when for almost a full year of pregnancy, you really were all he needed.
Balancing work, family, marriage, and personal (alone) life has been really difficult. Our house is messier, I don't do much on my own let alone with Craig, and I have refused to do work at home. This last part is good for home, but makes the time I'm actually at work very stressful. I've had to lower my expectations, which I don't feel great about but I'm doing my best. I struggle with knowing what I want to do for my job next year. What I teach and my set up at Aurora is exactly what I want and it's hard for me to imagine I could have that anywhere else. The 1.5 hrs. of commuting time each day really brings me down, however. I can't decide if I would like to try to find another teaching job closer, or if I should stay at Aurora 1 more year and do the four years I originally planned. I think regardless, I'm going to keep my eyes open, but since there is so much unknown right now, it's hard to feel confident and secure about any direction. Ultimately, I try to just stay focused on Blair and Craig and know that we are very blessed and live like kings and queens in the grand scheme of things.
Balancing work, family, marriage, and personal (alone) life has been really difficult. Our house is messier, I don't do much on my own let alone with Craig, and I have refused to do work at home. This last part is good for home, but makes the time I'm actually at work very stressful. I've had to lower my expectations, which I don't feel great about but I'm doing my best. I struggle with knowing what I want to do for my job next year. What I teach and my set up at Aurora is exactly what I want and it's hard for me to imagine I could have that anywhere else. The 1.5 hrs. of commuting time each day really brings me down, however. I can't decide if I would like to try to find another teaching job closer, or if I should stay at Aurora 1 more year and do the four years I originally planned. I think regardless, I'm going to keep my eyes open, but since there is so much unknown right now, it's hard to feel confident and secure about any direction. Ultimately, I try to just stay focused on Blair and Craig and know that we are very blessed and live like kings and queens in the grand scheme of things.
