sitting on a different quilt.: Blair's Birth

About 2 hours after the previous post, I was in bed and felt the baby move in a way I had not felt before. It was like it was kicking and turning around and around. Very active. It made me concerned, so I called my midwife, Amy. She said that in the late stages of pregnancy this could happen, but she wasn't concerned. We hung up the phone and I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep without a heart rate check, so I called the on call number and Shelly agreed to meet us at the birth center. It was midnight, and I felt bad having her come in for another late night check but knew I wouldn't be able to sleep without it. His heart rate was fine, and the amniotic swab test came back inconclusive. It was pretty much yellow, but there were some slight changes in the fibers. So, once again she wanted us to treat it like there was indeed a leak just to be safe. We returned home to continue the waiting game.

At about 1:45 am, my water broke again. It pretty much happened the same way as the first time, I got up out of bed to use the bathroom and the rush of water came. I wasn't sure what to think or do. I figured I should call the midwives again just to let them know. I wasn't hopeful that this time would be any different. They said to just let them know if any contractions started. Craig and I lied in bed and tried to rest. Within 10 minutes of getting off the phone with Shelly, I had a tightening pain in my abdomen. I immediately knew this was something and told Craig to get his iPad which had the contraction timer on it. The first one was inaccurate because it was half over by the time he started timing, but it was around a minute. We continued to time them and after I got about 7 under our belt I called Shelly back to let her know. They were still a bit inconsistent, but it was enough to know that we had begun labor. I told her I wanted to go ahead to the birthing center to hang out and if things weren't consistently progressing she could leave us their alone to labor because she only lived 5 minutes away. However within 30 minutes of being there, my contractions started to be about 1-2 minutes long and 3-4 minutes apart. So, I called my doula, Shelly B., and she called my midwife, Amy.

By the time Shelly B. arrived, I was using the yoga ball through my contractions and leaning and swaying over an end table. I asked them to get the pool ready so I could labor in there for a bit. Craig helped me through some of my contractions by letting me lean and sway on him. It was kind of like we were slow dancing in Junior High. It was funny because we've never danced together before even at a wedding. So, I guess we can now say that our first dance was when Blair was being born.

I got into the pool and labored in there for a little while. It was relaxing, for sure, but I don't think I was far enough along into labor that it made a huge difference. It was mostly just nice to switch it up a bit. I remember Craig and Shelly having conversations about teaching a birthing class and letting babies and children watch TV. This was the beginning of me becoming super focused with eyes closed 95% of the time, and having difficulty responding to anyone. From this point on, I remember people asking me questions about what I wanted: water? a cool rag? massage? and most of the time I remember saying, "I don't know." I'm sure that was frustrating from their end, but I was doing good to even get that out. I also stopped paying attention to the time. There was a clock above the bed that I refused to let myself look at, but luckily my eyes were just closed most of the time.

I ended up getting out of the pool and shortly after Amy arrived. She asked me if I wanted to be checked for dilation. I told her I was nervous about it because I didn't want to be disappointed if I hadn't progressed, especially with the roller coaster we'd been on the past week. She proposed that she check, but just not tell me the status. I agreed to that and after she checked, she assured me that I had nothing to be disappointed about. This meant I was dilated to 10, and Amy said that whenever I felt the urge to bare down, that I should push with it. I did look at the clock at this moment and it was 7am. I told Craig to text our parents and let them know that I had begun to push. At this point, I figured I would be holding our baby within the next few hours.

I can't remember what position I started out pushing, but looking back I know I was not ready to push when I started. Amy was coaching me through some of my contractions and and suggested I try pushing while on hands and knees on the bed and leaning over the yoga ball. This wasn't very comfortable at all. I also remember a lot of people being in the room at this time. At least 5 people, and some of them were talking and laughing. This really annoyed me especially when I was going through a contraction and moaning/pushing in pain. I eventually had to say twice, "PLEASE STOP TALKING." It helped for the most part, but sometimes they'd still talk. This is definitely something I'll make clear the next time I have a baby. No talking, unless absolutely necessary, while I'm working through a contraction. It just didn't seem right that I was over there in pain while people were chatting it up and laughing.

After a few hours Amy mentioned that there wasn't much progress being made. So, she suggested that I try lying on my back which was the last thing I wanted to do. However, I was already told that they might suggest something I wasn't in favor of, and I would just need to suck it up and try. I had been pushing while lying on my back for awhile. Shelly B. and Craig would push my legs back for me and Amy would coach me through the contraction. I'm assuming we did this for at least an hour or two and there still wasn't much progress. At this point, I could tell Amy was starting to be concerned because she mentioned going to the hospital for a vacuum assist if things didn't move along. She said they were progressing, but not fast enough and she was worried about me becoming too tired. This shook me a bit, and I realized how tired I was. Craig seemed resistant to the hospital idea, which in the moment I remember wanting to kill him for, but looking back I'm glad. He spoke for that part of me that was being distracted. He asked if there was anything else we could do or try before resorting to a transfer. Amy got a suggestion from Mary, the owner of the birth center, to let me take a break in the birthing pool, make me eat and drink something, and hook me up to an IV to get me re-hydrated. They were hoping this would give me a boost of energy. I remember not being very hopeful, but still having that "I don't know/indifferent/apathetic" attitude. I got into the birthing pool and this is where I realized I had started pushing too early because I was actually feeling the urges to push without even trying. There were times I could feel my body pushing on it's own and then other times where it made me actively push with it. I went through this for awhile while Amy hooked me up to an IV. I'm usually pretty squeamish with needles, but remember it not even phasing me. I remember them doing heart rate checks on the baby and this is where they started to get really uncomfortable because they had to press it against my abdomen. Luckily, Blair's heart rate stayed strong and consistent throughout the entire thing. Craig forced juice and cottage cheese on me and once the IV was done I was out of the pool.

Amy suggested a different pushing position for a bit. I sat on the toilet while once of the nurses took a twisted toilet and we did tug of war through the contractions. I can't remember how much it helped things progress, but I remember it feeling good to use other muscles in my body. After this, we went back to lying on my back because it was where most progress was made. We also took a different approach. Shelly B., my doula, said that she noticed with each push I was getting weaker and weaker through the contraction. So, she broke it down that I would need to give 3 equally strong pushes, a big quick breath in between them, and I would need to hold the push for 10 seconds. She would count down each push. I think it was the structured, athlete mentality that came out in me because this really helped me have some direction. She also pointed out that I pushed better when I held my breath. Before, they were just letting me push which I can see some women would prefer, but I tend to need boundaries and guidelines. We continued with this system for awhile and were making progress. However, Amy had to leave because of a family commitment, and was replaced by Shelly, the midwife. At first I wasn't thrilled about this, but looking back I think it helped a lot to have the fresh energy. We continued with the sets of pushing and counting.

Things were still slowly progressing and I asked Shelly what her thoughts were. She said that it would be about an hour more of pushing and I made up my mind that I could handle that. Everyone did a "Alright! Hands in. Let's do this!" type of moment and we continued our pushing. Shelly (midwife) also used a catheter to empty my bladder. I had tried to go to the bathroom several times, but could only let about a bit. So, the catheter really helped make a lot of room. From this point on it was the same, but Craig's reaction kept getting more and more vocal. He kept saying, "WOW! Ashley, you're getting really close. I'm really proud of you." I liked the "I'm really proud of you part," but soon learned that he didn't know what he was talking about because I kept pushing and pushing but no baby. So, I let him keep telling me how close I was, but didn't really believe it until Shelly (midwife) or the nurse said, "You're almost there."

I wasn't yet crowning, but they had me feel the baby's head. You could maybe feel about an inch in width of it. I remember feeling a bit disappointed, but figured at least I could feel it. There was no going to the hospital at this stage. So, we kept on. I could feel Shelly (midwife) massaging and stretching me to prevent tearing. It was pretty uncomfortable, but not so much that I felt like telling her to stop. Probably because I knew how necessary it was. These next few contractions were really difficult because I got to the point where I crowned, and then I had his head half way out, but I had to wait in between each of these for the next contraction to help give me the force to push him out further. This is something I didn't realize would be happening before giving birth. It was such an odd sensation and also frustrating. I'm sure it was good in that it allowed my body to adjust and stretch. Once I pushed his head out, there was no more waiting for contractions. Everyone was just yelling for me to push and keep pushing contraction or not. This was the first time I remember roaring more than moaning. I could feel Shelly (midwife) reaching in with her fingers to get a grip under his arms. When she got his shoulders free, the rest just slide out. I could hear them wiggling/tapping him to get him to breath/cry. I was immediately crying with relief and in a bit of shock. After all that time he was finally out of me. Once they heard him cry they wrapped him in a towel and put him on my chest. I checked to see and it was a boy. I had talked about how I wanted a girl the whole pregnancy, but so did not care anymore. His face was all swollen and he just kept crying and crying with me. The first thing I said to him was, "You're so big." This has pretty much been what was said most that day. I kissed him and continued to cry for awhile. Craig was capturing it all on video, and I asked him to announce the name. He was too choked up. I had never seen Craig cry before. I told everyone his name was Blair Morgan. He was born at 3:27, 9 lbs. 12 ounces, 21.5 inches long.

I got stitched up (2nd degree tear) and my uterus massaged (the only time I actually felt like cursing during this whole thing), and made my way to the shower. Craig called my mom and sister to tell them to meet us at the birth center. While showering, I passed out for a second, but luckily Shelly B. was in there to help me come to and get back to normal. I just needed some food after living off of cottage cheese and juice all day. My Mom and sister showed up to meet Blair and we were home by 7:30 pm.